YOU LOVE ME, YOU LOVE ME NOT

I have been in more ‘situationships’ than relationships.  I’m pretty sure my ancestors’ remains are rolling in shame in their graves as I boldly confess this. “Who was the trailblazer of such crap anyway?” I want to assume that you know what a ‘situatioship’ is. If you have no idea, a ‘situationship’ is that situation where you are in a relationship that’s not a relationship; When you can’t quite describe your relationship with someone. My man who’s not my man, ‘kinda’ situation. They act like they are into you but they never say it nor make it clear, ‘kinda’ situation. You want to get excited about all the feelings but oh wait, “what exactly are we?” ‘kinda’ situation and many more.

If you’ve ever been in a situationship, you’ll agree with me that when you board that ‘situationship bus’ you always hope that it has a destination. You hope that whatever it is you two have will eventually become something. You hope that he or she will eventually label whatever it is you have. You do a lot of hoping. Every now and then you feel the urge to ask the question, “what are we?”  It is very important to define a relationship in order to avoid unnecessary confusion. Defining your relationships helps you set necessary limits.

Truth is, today people hide their feelings behind friendships; calling each other BFF’s yet one of them is clinging to emotions that will never be reciprocated at any point. Allowing yourself to be used with hope that someday the other will want to commit. The next thing you know, your heart is broken and you can’t share your predicament with anybody because deep down you know the fault is yours. You end up being bitter with people who had no idea you had feelings for them because as far as they are concerned, you are ‘just a friend’. 

Relationships have become complicated. Honestly, I feel like they shouldn’t be. If only we were more transparent and intentional with our relationships, they wouldn’t be complicated. Nowadays, most guys ‘kinda’ hit on a girl and leaves her to guess the authenticity of his vibe. It’s hard to connect his words to his actions, so she has to perform her voodoo and figure that out for herself. Her voodoo assures her that he’s into her, only for her to figure out that she is just ‘Becky with the good hair’. I don’t know if some of you fancy such mind games, but I refuse to be part of such atrocity. What if we make our intentions clear there and then? No hide and seek, you just drop your vibe like it’s hot. 

 So, good riddance to situationships. It’s high time we did away with the fear to commit and the fear of being broken. And one way of doing that is by clearly defining our relationships from the beginning. It’s okay to say goodbye to people who are not clear about their intentions. Guard your heart and help others guard theirs. You don’t want to be the hurt person who ends up hurting people. 

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THE PROMISE: LONG LIFE

 I seldom call my dad. I can go up to three weeks without talking to my dad but I have to contact him eventually, because I need money for up-keep at the beginning of every month. Starting a conversation with your dad after three weeks of not talking to him is not a walk in the park; especially if the main agenda is asking for his money. When he receives my call he usually starts by asking,” how is my lovely daughter? Habari ya kunitupa?” My dad is soft spoken so these words arouse a wave of guilt in me. In response, I mumble something like,” I’m fine dad, sijakutupa kwa ubaya, ” then throw in some random excuse, “these past weeks have been hectic for me, exams and all.” The conversation would eventually end with me asking for my up-keep money because the caretaker has already sent me one his ‘we mean business texts’ , “Lipa rent kwa wakati(pay your rent on time).” I then spend the next minute replaying our conversation in my head and it rips my heart apart. I can do better as a daughter.

My dad thinks I’m special. I believe I’m special too, I just love to hear him say it. Everytime he introduces me to his cohorts, he has to tell them that I’m special to him. He then narrates to them  how when I was born, he held me in his arms all the way home from hospital, since he accompanied my late father to discharge my late mum from the hospital. You should see his face when he narrates the story; he beams with joy. My dad loves me, no doubt. He is my father and my mother simultaneously. He was a very close friend to my mum, more like a brother and when my dad passed on(four years after my mum died), he felt obligated to take care of ‘his sister’s’ children and make sure they don’t lack. I love my dad so much. I make sure I tell him so every opportunity I get. 

I have no excuse for not checking up on my dad often but I wish I could honour him in every way possible. Not only because it’s a commandment from God, but because he deserves it. Every parent deserves to be honoured by their children. Being a parent is not easy, especially to children in this generation. Honouring our parents begins with honouring God. You cannot honour your earthly father if you don’t honour your heavenly father. It is impossible to have a good relationship with your parents if you don’t have a good relationship with God. 

Ephesians6:13 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother“- which is the first commandment with a promise– “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.”

I can think of many ways in which I can honour my dad; Praying for him and with him, Calling him as often as I can, tithing(giving back 10% of his money, my money for upkeep,to God), Sending him random texts reminding him that he is the best dad and I love him, building a friendship with him and if possible, go for daddy-daughter dates, buying him gifts oftenly, forgiving him every time I feel wronged by him, involving  him in various aspects of my life, especially my dating life. Let me expound abit on this; I hope to introduce the guy who will be interested in dating me to my dad. I know currently most men are not for this idea and in fact the thought of it can make them not date you. Well, those are my standards; plus I believe that a man who honours your parents will definitely honour you. As cheezy as this sounds, this is my heart’s desire and I hope I meet a man who will support me in this. There are umpteen other ways of honoring our parents. Those are some of mine. What are yours?

No one is perfect. Children aren’t perfect, parents aren’t perfect either. As a daughter, I understand that it may be difficult to honour a parent who doesn’t give you a  reason to do so. Most parents have neglected their children physically, financially and emotionally for different reasons hence most us are wounded and bitter and honoring our parents is the last thing we think about. As children, we have a task and a commandment from God to honor our parents. I believe God knew that at some point it won’t be easy but His grace is sufficient, plus this commandment earns us blessings from God and from our parents. So, we should consider making baby steps towards honoring our parents; loving them and expressing it, forgiving them gracefully, praying for them daily, thinking about them before making certain decisions and buying them gifts among other ways. Blessings are earned. And to be blessed, we must honour our parents, our relatives and the elderly.

MY VALENTINE’S DAY TRADITION

Yaikes! Don’t I love February! I get all excited about it. Month of love. Perfect excuse to talk about love and get excited about it without raising eyebrows. People sliding into your ‘DM’, asking if you finally found ‘the one’. Guys should seriously stop with the cliches. Just because I talk a lot about love doesn’t mean I finally found ‘the one’. Maybe it just means that I’m totally in love with the idea of being in love.

Valentine’s day 2018 is here and yet again, I’m as single as I come. I’m not complaining. Seriously, I’m not. It feels more like a ‘tradition’. I feel like the day I won’t be single on Valentine’s day everything will be a total disaster. I may want to swing back into my ‘tradition’, you know, break up with ‘bae’ for Valentine’s day and hook up later.

I don’t want to talk about being single at my age. It totally rocks! Might make you want to break up with ‘bae’.Okay, I’m kidding. Well, society has successfully managed to make me feel like not having a ‘bae’ in the millennial times is a taboo. Not splashing pictures of bae and decorating them with solid hashtags;#mine,#meandmine, #bff, #soulmate feels like a taboo. I’m not gonna ‘hate’ on love birds because if I finally meet ‘the one’, I won’t keep calm about it either. Excuse me, I’m a millennial.

Well, back to Valentine’s day. People have plans to surprise their someone special, take them on dates, buy chocolates and flowers traditions huh!? Oh! I have plans too. Plans for me by me. I won’t buy me roses and chocolates, no. I’ll buy me red wine and chicken;half a chicken (I’m watching my weight) prepare it and eat it in the comfort of my home, listen to classical music while reading a good book in my PJs. I believe I’m old enough to start my own Valentine’s day tradition. It will be ‘me’ time.  Sounds epic( if I do say so myself). What’s your Valentine’s tradition? It’s high time you developed one. It doesn’t have to be bouge, just a simple something for you and those you love. Happy Valentine’s day people!

I CANNOT NOT TALK ABOUT HIM

I met Him when I was in Egypt. We’d crossed paths before but I never paid much attention to Him until Egypt. Egypt for me was horrific. I waited for Moses to come and demand Pharaoh to let me go but he didn’t show. So, I wallowed in misery. I contemplated death but didn’t have the courage to bring it upon myself. I made silent prayers to close my eyes and never wake. I was depressed most times. Suffered from short term memory loss all the time. Life had no meaning at all so I gave up. That’s when He appeared. My knight in shining armor. 

He picked me up from my lowest place, hugged me, kissed my wounds, took my load and He took me out of Egypt. I am never going back to Egypt. It took ages for wounds to become scars.  He was there every step of the way. He held my hand, wiped my tears, healed my heart and transformed me. God transformed me.

Don’t ask me not to talk about God because I cannot not talk about Him. He makes a lot of sense to me. I’m glad He chose me. I might as well be a freak for Him. He teaches me about love and life; and even though I’m not yet His ‘A’ student, he never fails me. He is persistent and gentle. So, allow me to talk about Him. I have a lifetime of testimonies that I crown in one; He is there every step of the way. I have an eternal relationship with Him. My happy ever after is with Him. Though I am inconsistent and unfaithful most times, he still loves me.  

I hope you can relate. I hope you have felt Him as much as I have. Don’t wait to get to Egypt in order to experience Him. Be still and listen to Him. He is there. He is here. Let’s talk about Him because I cannot not talk about Him.  Blessed Sunday you guys. May you experience His love and presence.

(Egypt is metaphorical in this case)

CHEERS TO NEW EXPERIENCES

I’m super jazzed I finally get to do this.

When we commenced 2018, I decided I will not have resolutions for this year. Not because of fear that I may go back to revise them and find I haven’t achieved any, but because for once, I want to live my life one day at a time.

I remember I was super psyched about 2017. I spent the eve of that year drafting my resolutions. As if that wasn’t enough, I went for a night vigil in church just to dedicate them to God. The first day of that year began and ended pretty well. After that, I’d rather flourish in oblivion.2017 was whack! It was ugly from the inside out. Anyway, not to be such a pessimist, there were a lot of other positive things that I experienced through that year too. I’m thoroughly grateful that I still live to share them with you.

So, once bitten… I decided no more drafted resolutions. I’ll try mini goals. This was one of them. Accomplished. I just didn’t know I’d start sooner. Honestly, I thought it would be a mountain climb. Joke’s on me. Pretty easy. Let’s roll people!

I’m not the most patient being on earth. In fact, my adrenaline shoots to 110% in a jiffy and I have to do all the damage control later. I always think things and want them immediately. This has led to some major heartbreaks in my life. I am taking baby steps towards changing that. So, I habitually chant to myself that good things take time. Also, this is the year that I hope to create the future I will thrive in. Thank you for embarking on this journey with me. Stay tuned and let’s have fun together. Cheers to new experiences!